Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Would Axl Rose By Any Other Name Still Not Have Released Chinese Democracy?

David Jones, Jim Osterberg, and Louis Firbank prepare to rock you

"You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)" - The Beatles

This has to be the single most entertaining bit of web detritus I've seen in donkey's years. Ladies and gentlemen, the Onion A.V. Club (if it's this good, of course it's the Onion) presents...

...The Worst Band Names of '06!

I fell out of my chair, onto my knees, blue in the face and dry-heaving with laughter when I saw the words the Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza strung together. (Better still: they have a song called "Cliff Burton Surprise"!)

Personally, I'm shocked that Lubricated Goat didn't make the list. But hey, bad band names have existed since Engelbert Humperdink first slunk onstage. The Fugs, Echo & the Bunnymen, the Butthole Surfers, the Dismemberment Plan, TV On the Radio... let's face if, if we didn't know and love these lads, those monikers would surely land in the Bad Name Hall of Fame.

Here's a short list of embarrassing/amusing Japanese band names I've come across...

Guitar Vader
Angel'in Heavy Syrup (yes, that apostrophe is supposed to be there)
54 Nude Honeys
Bonkin' Clapper
Idea Of a Joke
Missing Girl Scoot
Glay (apparently, that L should have been an R)
Mummy the Peepshow
The Portugal Japan
Rip Slyme
Bathtub Shitter
Father Moo and the Black Sheep
Mr. Children
Sweet Robots Against the Machine

...and, naturally, Melt Banana. Don't believe the veracity of the above list? Feel free to fact-check here and here.

So, kids... what's the worst band name you have ever heard?

Happy Hell Day!

Iron Maiden, "Number of the Beast"

Don't forget to grab a souvenir while you're here!

Six Songs:

"Tupelo" - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

"New Face In Hell" - The Fall

"So Many Ways" - Morphine

"Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell" - Iggy & the Stooges
(Caution: LOUD. For real. I'm talking -4dB RMD, baby.)

"Everything Goes To Hell" - Tom Waits

"Hell's Around the Corner" - Tricky

In other matters unrelated to all things infernal, I've started contributing to the Stylus Magazine blog. To be honest, I don't really know which of their various columns qualifies as the no-hyphenated-classification-required Blog, but my best guess is the Turntable. Stay tuned for various updates and contributions.