Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Anonymous File Swap Equals Punk'd!

Woops, this is that OTHER public-embarrassment-prone bleached blonde

Okay, what the hell? Who sent this to me? Why in god's name did someone send me three leaked Britney Spears songs? How old are they? How did they get leaked? Why should I care?

Come forth, silent rogue, and receive thy punishment like a man!

I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but if I'm expecting a Clydesdale and get a hand-me-down burro from Tijuana, I'm going to be a little upset. Now, there are plenty of pop-positive MP3 blogs that would love sample these songs and wax poetic about whether or not "Chaotic" is a worthy sequel to "Toxic"; this is no such site. This kind of quantized and computer-corrected claptrap insults my intelligence. Sorry, but I don't dance either, so any pituitarily-driven joy I might derive from these songs is null and void.

The songs pick up where Mrs. Federline's last singles left off: breathing reedily over some post-Neptunes beats, surfing on sawtooth-synth basslines with the occassional Destiny's Child-esque orchestral melodrama. At least the production on "Over To You Now" isn't run-of-the-mill. It actually sounds like decaffeinated J-Pop, with the same wet-slap kick and laser-cannon sounds blasting over the P.A. in any Pachinko parlour. The insistent disco beat and woozy synth washes a la Thomas Dolby make the affair sound like a bona fide Basement Jaxx track.

Maybe it is. Who knows? Not I, and by passing the buck to, Dear Reader, it's no longer for me to figure out. Enjoy.

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