Quick show of hands while you're still in the voting mood, people: who here would've ever thought that "Spielberg & Lucas gang-raping Indiana Jones" could qualify as a malefic piss-take not taken far enough? Well, then which of these bastard Frankenstein monsters do you find to be the greatest violation?- A feature film adaptation of The Prisoner, starring Mel Gibson's Jesus as Number 6, which will no doubt wuss out on the gloriously anarchic climax, opting instead for a Shyamalan-awkward facile wrap-up.
- A permapouting pretty boy heading up what can only be a less-dazzling live-action adaptation of anime classic Akira, which will no doubt wuss out on the gloriously anarchic climax, opting instead for a Spielbergian castrado cop-out of a facile wrap-up.
- Spielberg - for real - and Will Smith tag-teaming (in the sleepover-at-Jenna-Jameson's sense) one of the heaviest gut-punches of cinematic genius this decade, Chan Woo-Park's Oldboy, which will no doubt wuss out on the gloriously fucked up climax, opting instead for some puscilanimous bullshit that treats the audience like pampered lobotomites and strips the film of any thematic cohesion.
Or, dare I inquire, is there some fresh filmic horror I've not yet heard of, waiting to bust aneurysms in film-lovers' brains everywhere?
Ah well. At least this gave me a good solid chuckle. (Via the AV Club's Friday Buzzkills.)
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2 comments:
this count?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2008/aug/26/1
So now they need to start raping the Asian cult canon as well? They can't remain content with disemboweling their own created traditions?
That said, we are living in the time when Insomnia (featuring a quite recognizable Skarsgård) must be remade in order to be Americanly watchable. The lag time between original production and cleaned-up, de-balled remake is getting shorter and shorter. I'm already calling it: there will be a remake of the stunning Let the Right One In, and it will probably feature Hannah Montana or the like.
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